The course that connected my family
Where do you turn when looking for information on how to help yourself or a loved one who is experiencing mental or emotional distress? The internet is where we all start, but the avalanche of information means it can be impossible to sort through and find the hidden gems of effective, evidence-based help. Even as a therapist, I am often left with more questions than answers. Just a single word on a search engine dumps millions of web links from around the world on you and it is practically impossible to know what is best.
I can relate to that problem and would like to give you a head start on the Family Connections program which is managed by the not-for-profit organisation the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), a therapy developed to treat BPD. The two gems! This is how I found them.
It was during my final year placement of my Masters of Counselling that I was offered a wonderful opportunity to observe a psycho-education group for carers struggling to care for their loved ones diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD symptoms can include suicidality, self-harming, intense anger, intense fear of abandonment and intense, rapidly changing emotions. It’s hard to live through and it is hard for family and friends to care for someone with BPD. Unsurprisingly, the carers in the group I observed were burnt-out and burdened by guilt, shame and fear for their loved one.
This was my first introduction to Family Connections. As an observer I honestly didn’t know what to expect and what it would be like. Nevertheless, I was excited. Little did I know then that it would change me forever.
Family Connections is a free,12-week psycho-education/skill training program for carers. In the US and Canada the groups are lead by carer peers who have been trained in the program, while here in Australia, the groups are often lead by clinicians, or a combination of clinician and carer peer. NEABPD Australia is working towards more groups lead by carer peers. Over the 12-weeks carers learn the core skills of mindfulness, validation, distress tolerance, interpersonal skills, and in addition to it, build a support network.
The whole experience as an observer was a revelation. The first thing I observed in every group was that participants struggled to grasp the concepts in the beginning and then they gradually adapted. It’s like a metamorphosis. Secondly, I recognised the importance of participation. The process of change occurred through participation. The more you participate, the more benefits you reap!
Okay wait! what has DBT had to do with FC Group? I would say, everything! Let me explain, FC program curriculum draws most of its concepts from the DBT, and clients in the group are introduced to key DBT methods. Thus, laying out a skill foundation to build-on if they choose to. These skills can be applied to all aspects of life.
What aspects resonate with me? The concept of Radical Acceptance, it has encouraged me to accept all of myself and has enabled me to let go of things, and to accept reality as it is. Validation skills have helped me notice the inner invalidating voice within myself. Using self-validation skills, I have reduced my feeling of self-blame. Practicing Mindfulness has brought me closer to people I love and care about. How was this possible? Practice, Practice, and Practice, every single day.
There was a time (pre-skills) when I would throw a tantrum if the dishes were not placed in a certain way in the dishwasher and invalidating my partner for caring about me. Now, (post-skills) I bring my ‘Wise Mind’ and Acceptance skills to ‘Truly Accept’. Yes, the job was not done to my liking…nevertheless, it is done. I now stop to observe such kindly gestures. I take a minute to thank and validate my partner for it. For me, the relationship takes precedence, I don’t like to get stuck on the content.
I prefer DBT for more than one reason. It is practical, user-friendly, and comes in small packages. Mnemonics in DBT make it easy to remember. The trick is to remember them and respond skilfully when the situation demands. It has worked wonders for people with Borderline Personality disorder (BPD). The take-home message is that DBT is not just for people struggling with BPD. It is for anyone who is suffering quietly and wants to find their voice. It is for anyone who wants to better themselves.
If you would like to learn how to build a life worth living, check out our courses and events page for our latest groups.
To learn more about Family Connections in Australia click here.
